A Survivor’s Journey, a Marriage Story (taken from Part 1)
Mother, I was sexually abused as a child. No voice comes through the phone. Then words softly spoken, “Who was it?” The name of the person is not important. “I don’t understand how it could have happened.” Mother, I don’t need your words of disbelief. I was hurt as a child. I’m hurting now! Please believe me. I need your love, not your questions and doubt!
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Sexual and spiritual abuse destroys innocence – devalues human life – extinguishes one’s identity. Violation penetrates the soul – wounds the inner spirit – and invades the marriage relationship. As communication between the husband and wife breaks down, a stockpile of resentment builds – dreams are shattered. The man and woman once in love must decide – do we remain in a relationship that isn’t working or do we divorce? Either way, if there are children, they will bear the scars.
Treatment of emotional and spiritual woundedness parallels chemotherapy for cancer – venturing through a life-altering process in hopes that one might be free to enjoy life again. Is healing from traumatic woundedness possible? Yes. Is the process easy? No. In all honesty, it was the hardest work I have ever done. But through it all, one thing I have learned for sure – on the other side of fear is freedom.
I am not a psychiatrist, psychologist, or social worker. I am a registered nurse with limited training in psychology. My primary reference for writing the book “healing of a violated spirit” is twenty years of journal notes, countless counseling sessions, and considerable learning.
The marriage crisis that Bill and I survived mirrors the relational upheaval that is destroying countless marriages in today’s world. We experienced the heartaches. We fully understand the breakdowns in communication. We lived through the times when life overwhelmed – the times when divorce seemed the only resolve.
It is our hope that “healing of a violated spirit” will give the reader insights to the core issues of woundedness and healing. We feel for every husband, wife, and family engulfed in a relational turmoil due to the baggage of past abuse. We pray that the information contained within the pages may deepen understanding, strengthen commitment, and offer hope.
As a child
I wanted someone – anyone –
to see my wounded spirit –
to rescue me from what I did not understand
and was powerless to control.
I wanted someone – anyone – to intercede –
to protect me – to make my world safe.
When no one came to my rescue,
I became my own hero-rescuer.
I cannot rescue every survivor of
abuse or traumatic events.
Yet I am now free to speak
what I have learned to be true –
a person’s soul, once violated,
can be renewed to wholeness.
