Toxic Religion vs. Grace Filled Relationship (from Chapter 26)
I am frequently asked, “Shelley, what do you mean by spiritual abuse?”
What I call spiritual abuse others may call church abuse. Some people think of church abuse as sexual misconduct. My understanding is broader. I see spiritual abuse as any dominance or abuse of power by any leadership of church – ministers, youth leaders, committee personnel, Sunday school teachers, or any other person.
A spiritual abuser is one who manipulates children, teenagers, or adults by claiming God’s authority and/or by using or misrepresenting the personhood of God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. A spiritual abuser is one who uses the misinterpretations of Biblical scriptures to threaten and control another person.
Spiritual abuse includes, but is not limited to, inappropriate sexual conduct with children, teens, or adults. Spiritual abuse is the dominating of another person’s thinking or behavior with threats of God’s punishment. Spiritual abuse is the shifting of one’s thinking away from God to the importance of a mortal man or woman.
Spiritual abuse within the home includes the dominance of husband over his wife and children in any manner that is in conflict with Jesus’ witness of love. Either parent may be a spiritual abuser of spouse and children in the home.
Spiritual abuse in the church can be a double edge sword – a minister’s “leadership” dominating the congregation – or – members of the congregation dominating the pastor’s “running” of the church. Neither is healthy.
Spiritual violation distorts the thinking of a vulnerable child of God. Spiritual victimization transforms relationships as God intends into warped relationships as man/woman intends – a self-satisfying “church” of toxic religion. Spiritual violation estranges. There is shame in unworthiness of the soul.
The Spiritual Abuser vs. Jesus
A spiritual abuser takes from another for his/her gain or pleasure.
Jesus gives of himself.
A spiritual abuser wounds with words and touch.
Jesus heals with words and touch.
A spiritual abuser’s love is conditional.
Jesus’ love is unconditional.
A spiritual abuser demands silence and secrecy.
Jesus encourages people to “go and share the good news.”
A spiritual abuser controls with threats, coercion, manipulation, and physical punishment.
Jesus does not force himself or his views on anyone.
A spiritual abuser degrades a person’s self-worth.
Jesus edifies.
A spiritual abuser imprisons and renders one powerless.
Jesus frees and empowers.
A spiritual abuser desires power.
Jesus desires relationship.
A spiritual abuser offers nothing.
Jesus offers eternal life.
